Telling Her
by Willow Fireheart
Summary: After Not Fade Away Spike goes to Rome to tell Buffy about what happened. [Completed]


Telling Her

Spoilers- anything from Buffy and Angel may be used.

Disclaimer- I don't own anything, Joss, etc does.

Notes- I just saw Not Fade Away many weeks ago, I had to write this. I live in hope, even though the odds were impossible.

Note2- This creative wave I've been riding lately has me writing all sorts of characters I've never written before, hope I'm doing okay.

&&&

Spike stopped in front of a door, the only sign of his conflicting emotions was the turmoil in his dark blue eyes. He stared at the wood grain, his jaw clenching.

"Are you not going to knock?" Illyria asked, titling her head to the side.

Spike ran a hand over the back of his neck and exhaled heavily. "Yeah, Blue, I'm going to knock. Just need a minute."

Illyria examined the door then turned back to look at Spike. "This is something you do not desire to do?"

Spike turned to her. "Rather do anything but this." He raised his hand and knocked rapidly on the door. "But I'll do it anyway."

The door was wrenched open, revealing an excited Andrew. "Spike, you're back." Andrew lunged forward and quickly hugged him.

Spike shrugged uncomfortably and untangled himself from Andrew's arms. "Can we come in? There's something we probably should tell you lot."

Andrew looked at Illyria curiously. "Are you a vampire too?"

Illyria stared unblinkingly at him. "I am no pathetic half breed. I am above that, I am above the bacteria that call themselves the masters of this realm." She looked down at her arms in distaste. "I am stuck in this mortal shell with no way to return to my former resting place."

Spike rolled his eyes at her. "Yeah, Luv, we've heard it all before. You're just cranky because of the jetlag."

"Ah," Andrew nodded knowingly. "That jetlag can be quite vicious."

"Andrew," Dawn's voice floated out from the kitchen. "Which would you prefer, the buttered or the unbuttered?"

She walked into the room, a packet of microwave popcorn in each hand. "Andrew?" She looked up, the popcorn packets dropping from her hands. "Spike?"

She suddenly shook her head, anger tightening her features. "Stop it! You don't get to use his form. Anything but him, anyone but him! Not Spike, you're not allowed to be Spike!"

Spike wrinkled his brow. "What? Bit, it's me."

Tears welled up in Dawn's eyes. "Stop it! You're not him, you're not!"

Realisation flared on Spike's eyes. He cautiously stepped closer, his hands held out in front of him. "Dawn, I swear it's me. I'm not the First. See."

He placed a hand on her shoulder. She stared his hand, tears flowing freely. She looked up into his eyes. "Spike?"

His voice was soft and gentle. "Yeah, Bit, it's me."

She threw her arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. "Spike, I thought you were dead."

Spike ran a hand over head, his eyes closed, breathing in her scent. "I am dead, Pet."

Dawn slapped him lightly on the chest. "You know what I mean."

He held her closer. "Yeah, I know and I was. But I came back."

Dawn tightened her arms around him. "Never go away again, you're not allowed."

"I tire of your emotional responses." Illyria's monotone voice broke through.

Dawn flipped her hair over her shoulder and wiped her eyes. "Who's this?"

"This is Illyira, she's a Old One, Pet. A goddess of sorts."

Dawn looked from Spike to Illyria. "She looks kinda familiar, but you know, blue."

Spike ran a hand through his hair. "That would be because she's in Fred's body."

Dawn sniffed. "Fred, as in 'saved from crazy demon dimension where humans are slaves', Fred?"

"That would be the one."

"So what is she doing here then?" Dawn asked angrily.

Spike placed a soothing hand on her arm. "Because, Pet, Fred's gone and there's no way to get her back. Trust me; we tried, a lot, but she's dead. Besides the only reason I'm walking and talking today is because of her. She saved my life."

Illyria watched Andrew as he circled her, examining her body armor. She flinched away as he poked at her. "I find this human disconcerting."

Spike chuckled grimly. "Don't we all."

Andrew picked at a blue lock of her hair and peered intently into her blue eyes. "So you're an ancient demon goddess, huh? You must have heaps of cool powers."

Illyria stared icily at him. "I did, but this body could not handle my power and I was stripped of them. I am little better than a human now." She added bitterly.

Dawn shrugged, still watching Illyria warily. "Nothing wrong with being human."

Illyria looked intently at the littlest Summers. "You are not human."

Dawn edged closer to Spike. "What?"

"You are pure green energy trapped in a human form. I have seen you before."

Spike put his arm around Dawn. "You know about the key?"

Illyria nodded briskly. "Yes. I remember when my army was at its peak we came across you."

"But you don't want to use her?" Andrew asked, still studying Illyria intently; no doubt trying to compare her to a comic book hero.

"No. Why would I when I have my own powers?"

"But you said you were stripped of your powers." Dawn pointed out.

Illyria glared down angrily at her body. "This fragile shell could not withstand my power. So what use would you be to me? I have no way of returning to my former role as leader."

Dawn stared at her before nodding. "Okay."

"Dawn! Dawn! Andrew! Is everything alright?" Buffy skidded to a stop outside the open front door. She rushed into the room. "What happened? Why was the front door left open?"

"Buffy."

Buffy's mouth fell open, her eyes suspiciously shiny. "Sp-Spike?"

"It's really him, Buffy. He's back."

She stepped forward and trailed a hand down the side of his face. Tears started to fall from her eyes. "You're really here."

Spike blinked back tears. "Yeah, Luv. I really am."

Buffy cupped his cheek and ran a thumb under his eye, picking up the moisture. She leaned close. "I thought you were never coming back."

"Now, why would you think that?"

"Well the bursting into flames and collapsing Sunnydale was a major factor." Buffy smiled at him.

"Buffy?" A tall pale man with dark shoulder length hair stood in the doorway.

Buffy dropped her hand and stepped away from Spike. "Mort, this is-"

"William."

Spike nodded at him. "Immortal."

Buffy looked between them. "You two know each other?"

"Unfortunately we go way back. He led me and Angel on a merry chase around Rome the other month."

The Immortal smirked. "So you know it was I."

Spike sneered at him. "Of course, who else would steal our head and keep us away from Buffy. You did the same kind of thing when you had sex with Darla and Drusilla."

Buffy turned the Immortal. "You had sex with Darla and Drusilla?" Her eyes narrowed and she turned to Spike. "You and Angel were in Rome a few months ago?"

Spike's eyes widened. "Ah, well… you see… there was… it was just… I…"

"I grow weary of your inane prattling. Are we not here to fulfill our final duty?" Illyria queried, drawing attention to herself.

Buffy's gaze swung around to her. "Who's that?"

"She's an ancient demon goddess who has been irreplaceably put in Fred's body." Dawn stated casually.

"What? What is she doing here then?"

Dawn waved dismissively. "She came with Spike, he trusts her."

"I wouldn't go that far, Luv. But she won't hurt you when I'm here, she'd rather hit me."

Illyria's lips twitched. "He makes noises."

The sides of Buffy's mouth twitched up. "I remember." She poked a finger in his chest, glaring at him and ignoring the Immortal. "How long have you been back?"

Spike studiously avoided looking at her. "As a ghost or solid?"

"You were ghost?" Dawn asked. "Cool."

"Spike, just answer the question! How long?" Stress showed in Buffy's voice.

"Angel said that I popped out the medallion 19 days after the fight." Spike answered, his head ducked low.

Hurt reflected in Buffy and Dawn's eyes. "What? 19 days? Why didn't you try to find us? I'm sure that it couldn't have been hard with Angel's resources."

Spike ran a hand through his hair. "I tried! I tried, so many times. But I was a ghost and every time I got to the L.A. borderlines I was dragged back to the bloody office. I didn't even know if all of you made it out. The only reason I know that Anya's dead is because Andrew told me when he picked up that deranged slayer that cut my bloody hands off."

Andrew scuttled behind Dawn as Buffy's glare promised pain, big pain. He peered around her shoulder, watching the exchange with wide eyes.

Buffy poked a sharp finger into his chest. "Well, you're not a ghost now."

The Immortal stepped forward. "I really don't see how any of this matters."

The Immortal stepped back quickly as the two Summers women and Spike turned to glower at him. "Stay out of this."

Dawn moved closer to Spike, dragging a reluctant Andrew with her. "If she cut your hands off then you weren't a ghost anymore. Why didn't you just come back with Andrew?"

Spike hung his head, unable to look into his Bit's innocent pain filled eyes. "I didn't know how. I died to save the world, what did you except me to do, just waltz back into your lives and say hi, Pet. And I told Andrew not to tell you so stop glaring at him like that, Buffy."

Buffy pouted slightly before sucking her bottom lip in. "That's exactly what you could have done, it wouldn't have mattered. We just would have been happy to have you back, do you know how many nights Dawn cried herself to sleep?"

Spike stared intently into her eyes. "And what about you, Buffy? How many times did you cry for me?"

She looked up unblinkingly at him. "I wasn't lying to you, I never really could, remember? Don't try to put this back on me, Spike. You knew that your death affected all of us; you knew we were grieving. How could you just let us believe you were still dead? It wouldn't have mattered how you came back, the main thing would have been that you did come back."

Spike sighed, seeing the sincerity shining in Buffy and Dawn's eyes. "I'm sorry, Love. I was wrong. It was a good thing I stayed in L.A. Turns out Angel needed all the help he could get."

His features turned grim. "You should sit down, there's a lot we have to tell you."

Buffy's eyes widened in panic. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Illyria threw her hands up. "Finally."

Spike took a deep, unnecessary breath; there was so much to tell.

&&&&&&&&&&

Buffy fell onto the couch beside Dawn. "They're all dead?"

Spike shuffled his feet. "Cordelia died months ago, she never came out of her coma; well not really. She visited us but she was still in her coma. I mean-"

Buffy held up a hand to stop him. "We know what you mean."

"Right. Fred was the next. Illyria infected her, hollowed out her insides to make room. Fred's gone but Illyria can still remember some things though."

"She can remember some things?" Andrew queried.

"Yes," Illyria answered. "There are still parts of the Burkle persona floating around." She held her fingers apart, a spark of electricity flowing between them. Her voice came out as Fred's pain filled, pleading one. "Why do I have to? Wesley, why do I have to-"

"Stop it." Spike barked, his fists clenching.

Illyria inclined her head, her fingers closing together. "Very well."

Buffy covered her mouth. "Oh god."

"Wesley was next, he died when we went after the Black Thorn. Illyria was with him at the end."

Illyria clenched her fists. "I am feeling grief again. I am still unable to control it. I wish to do more violence."

Dawn jumped to her feet, waving her finger in Illyria's direction. "Listen here, demon smurf, we're grieving too. But we did to know, so you're going to stay until we hear everything."

Illyria reluctantly nodded her head. "Very well. Wesley was to face the magic user; he was not able to overcome him. When I arrived he had already been given the mortal wound. He allowed me to lie to him before he expired."

"You lied to him?"

"Yes, I assumed the image of the Burkle persona."

Andrew's jaw dropped open. "You can do that?"

Spike glared at Andrew, this was not the time to slip into comic book geekdom. "Yes, she can. May I finish?"

Andrew scrunched down, providing a small a target as possible. "Right, sorry."

Spike perched on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Gunn was badly hurt when he took out a nest of vamps that were protecting the politician, he didn't last ten minutes into the final battle." Spike stared into space, only focusing on clamping down on the pain in his soul.

"Angel?"

Spike looked up at Buffy, seeing her eyes glazed with tears, her bottom lip caught between her teeth with worry and her back tensed. She still loved him, even after everything that happened between herself and Angel, after all the years and all the different partners; there was still a part of Buffy that would always love Angel.

Spike caught her hands, running his thumb over them. "I'm sorry, Luv. After Angel killed the dragon, I lost track of him. Almost had my head bitten off, but Blue here tore its leg off and beat the demon to death with it." Spike paused. "There were more than a few vampires, Buffy. I, … there were a lot of dust piles and Angel wasn't there."

A sob hitched in Dawn's throat as Buffy stared at Spike in shock.

"But he could have just went to find that werewolf girl that's been humping his leg lately." Spike quickly added.

"Or that boy who smells like-" Illyria was cut off by Spike.

He hurried to cover her words. "Look the point is that he's MIA. For all we know he's human and living it up in Hawaii."

Illyria shifted her weight. "Did he not sign away his right to that prophecy?"

Spike snorted. "Right, like that's ever stopped anything. If he was meant to become human then he will, no matter what contract he signed."

Buffy looked up at him, her vulnerability shining in her eyes. "Do you really think he's still alive?"

Spike smiled at her. "Yeah, I really do. I'd feel it if he was gone, I know I would, so would you."

The Immortal shifted his weight, obviously uncomfortable with the Buffy's reaction to Spike's word. He cleared his throat, holding his hands up defensively as Dawn glared at him.

Buffy wiped her eyes and bit her lip worriedly. She untangled her hands from Spike's and got to her feet. She edged her way around the table upon which Spike sat and stopped in front of The Immortal. "I'm sorry, Mort. Maybe you should go home; there are some things I should know. I'm sure Spike has a lot to tell me."

The Immortal's eyes flashed with anger. He opened his mouth to reply.

Spike beat him to it. He rose from the table. "It's alright, Buffy. It can wait. Blue here has the right idea; bit of violence'll help the jetlag."

Dawn put her hand on his arm. "Are you sure?"

Spike smiled at her, covering her hand with his own. "We'll be fine, Bit. I'll come back later, I promise."

With one last look at Buffy he walked out the door, Illyria following him in an unusual silence.

&&&&&&&&

Spike grimaced as he tossed back a shot and slammed the glass onto the bar top. A loud groan arose from a nearby crowd; Spike looked over, smirking as he watched a large man stumble through the crowd holding his arm close to his chest. The crowd parted slightly to allow another through, revealing Illyria sitting at the small table, her Burkle persona firmly in place. Her grin was predatory as the man sat across from her and thumped his elbow down onto the table bringing it into the typical arm wrestling position.

Spike turned back to the bar, signaling to the bartender for another round. A small feminine form hopped up onto the stool next to him.

"Didn't think you'd follow me, Slayer."

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Mort decided to go home. Didn't have any thing planned. Thought, hey Spike's in town I should keep him company." She looked over her shoulder towards the crowd. "Or possibly protect those guys from being creamed by an ancient demon goddess."

Spike smirked. "She won't hurt them; they amuse her too much with their posturing."

"Speaking of macho posturing, you and Angel huh?"

Spike ran a finger around the rim of a glass. "What about us?"

Buffy stared at him. "Well, you're not really the biggest Angel fan around. I didn't think you could stand to be in the same room with him."

Spike shrugged. "Didn't have a choice at first, plus he had all those cars."

"Uh huh. So you two didn't fight at all?"

Spike laughed bitterly. "All the damned time."

Buffy looked at him innocently. "So, was there oil?"


End file.
